Jan. 18th, 2009

solafiamma: (back)
Hello, dear lj folk,

It's been a while. Almost a full year. My how time flies when you're wrestling with real life wackiness and the death throes of your first fannish passion. (By the way, if you're still heavily into popslash, you might want to skip this post. Just because my love affair is over doesn't mean I want to harsh your bliss.)

Popslash was my first fandom. I'd scuttled around the periphery of other fandoms, read some slash (okay, a LOT of slash), joined a couple of mailing lists, that sort of thing. But popslash was the first fandom I'd ever actually participated in, the first time I'd ever experienced in a real, personal way that sense of community and fellowship, the first time I'd felt giddy with the headiness of group squee. Of course, on some level I knew it would end, that people would move on to other fandoms and that I'd probably do the same in time. What I didn't realize, because I hadn't experienced it before, was how sad that would be. All of it. The part where your favourite writers start drifting away; the part where your friends start salting their conversations with seemingly random observations about other fandoms; the part where you read a story that everyone's raving about and you're all "yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, ho de bloody hum" even though you know that a year ago you would have peed yourself with glee over it;  the part where you realize that all those plot bunnies kicking around in your head are going to die slow, sad little bunny deaths because you just don't have the heart to write them anymore, even if they are utterly fabulous, each and every one, and even if the popslash world will clearly be a sadder place without them.

Obviously most people--sane people--get over this hurdle much more quickly than I have. Maybe they realize what's going on and talk about it with their friends and allow themselves to be gently pimped into newer, shinier fandoms. Maybe they whisper their forlorn goodbyes to their cherished pairings, click on the TV and go channel surfing for slash potential. Maybe they have the emotional IQ to anticipate the inevitable conclusion of the fandom ennui they're experiencing and are able to allow themselves a few hand-wringy moments of angst and sorrow before girding their loins for the next go round. Sadly, and maybe because this was my first fandom, it took me a lonnnnng time to accept that it was over (for me) and because I'm a fucktard idiot about these things, I didn't want to talk about it in case I killed it even deader, even though it was clearly about as dead as a dead thing can be. But, dudes, I guess I'm the kind of person who needs more obvious markers for these events. Like a funeral. See, if there'd been a funeral, I could have sobbed my sobby little heart out and moved on instead of wallowing about in my if-I-don't-look-it-isn't-really-happening, la la la I can't hear you, head in the sand sort of way. .

All of which is an INCREDIBLY long-winded way of saying that parting ways with this fandom has been ridiculously difficult and sad, and not participating in the MTYG this year just about broke me, but I think I'm finally over it.  And this brings me to:

Defriending Amnesty: If you came here for the popslash and haven't felt comfortable cutting me loose in spite of the total absence of popslash (or anything else) emanating from this journal over the past year, go for it. Snip, snip. I will totally understand. If you've kept me on your flist on the off chance that I'll be sliding into bandom, again, snip snip. I'm probably not going to go there, tempting though those waters were. If you want to know, before clicky-clicking me into oblivion, what fandom(s) I'm moving into, Supernatural's at the top of the list right now. If my posts bore you silly or you're a bit bemused as to why you friended me in the first place and are kinda sorta wishing you hadn't, go! Be free! Fly away, little lj chum! Maybe we'll meet again in another fandom down the road, and maybe we won't. Either way, no harm, no foul.




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