solafiamma: (back)
[personal profile] solafiamma
Hello, dear lj folk,

It's been a while. Almost a full year. My how time flies when you're wrestling with real life wackiness and the death throes of your first fannish passion. (By the way, if you're still heavily into popslash, you might want to skip this post. Just because my love affair is over doesn't mean I want to harsh your bliss.)

Popslash was my first fandom. I'd scuttled around the periphery of other fandoms, read some slash (okay, a LOT of slash), joined a couple of mailing lists, that sort of thing. But popslash was the first fandom I'd ever actually participated in, the first time I'd ever experienced in a real, personal way that sense of community and fellowship, the first time I'd felt giddy with the headiness of group squee. Of course, on some level I knew it would end, that people would move on to other fandoms and that I'd probably do the same in time. What I didn't realize, because I hadn't experienced it before, was how sad that would be. All of it. The part where your favourite writers start drifting away; the part where your friends start salting their conversations with seemingly random observations about other fandoms; the part where you read a story that everyone's raving about and you're all "yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, ho de bloody hum" even though you know that a year ago you would have peed yourself with glee over it;  the part where you realize that all those plot bunnies kicking around in your head are going to die slow, sad little bunny deaths because you just don't have the heart to write them anymore, even if they are utterly fabulous, each and every one, and even if the popslash world will clearly be a sadder place without them.

Obviously most people--sane people--get over this hurdle much more quickly than I have. Maybe they realize what's going on and talk about it with their friends and allow themselves to be gently pimped into newer, shinier fandoms. Maybe they whisper their forlorn goodbyes to their cherished pairings, click on the TV and go channel surfing for slash potential. Maybe they have the emotional IQ to anticipate the inevitable conclusion of the fandom ennui they're experiencing and are able to allow themselves a few hand-wringy moments of angst and sorrow before girding their loins for the next go round. Sadly, and maybe because this was my first fandom, it took me a lonnnnng time to accept that it was over (for me) and because I'm a fucktard idiot about these things, I didn't want to talk about it in case I killed it even deader, even though it was clearly about as dead as a dead thing can be. But, dudes, I guess I'm the kind of person who needs more obvious markers for these events. Like a funeral. See, if there'd been a funeral, I could have sobbed my sobby little heart out and moved on instead of wallowing about in my if-I-don't-look-it-isn't-really-happening, la la la I can't hear you, head in the sand sort of way. .

All of which is an INCREDIBLY long-winded way of saying that parting ways with this fandom has been ridiculously difficult and sad, and not participating in the MTYG this year just about broke me, but I think I'm finally over it.  And this brings me to:

Defriending Amnesty: If you came here for the popslash and haven't felt comfortable cutting me loose in spite of the total absence of popslash (or anything else) emanating from this journal over the past year, go for it. Snip, snip. I will totally understand. If you've kept me on your flist on the off chance that I'll be sliding into bandom, again, snip snip. I'm probably not going to go there, tempting though those waters were. If you want to know, before clicky-clicking me into oblivion, what fandom(s) I'm moving into, Supernatural's at the top of the list right now. If my posts bore you silly or you're a bit bemused as to why you friended me in the first place and are kinda sorta wishing you hadn't, go! Be free! Fly away, little lj chum! Maybe we'll meet again in another fandom down the road, and maybe we won't. Either way, no harm, no foul.



(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 06:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I smiled so big when I saw your name when I hit refresh just one more time before I head off to bed.

And you've explained it all so perfectly. It's so sad, surprisingly sad, to lose a fandom, to feel that ennui even when you don't want to. When you're trying to hold on but you don't click on links to media or stories because the passion isn't there anymore.

And I said you explained it perfectly, so I don't need to re-explain it, do I?

Welcome to Supernatural. \o/

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 07:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It IS sad. It's way, way sadder than I ever would have expected, and I feel like such a goob for not realizing sooner what I was going through. I mean, it's taken me almost two years to figure this out. Sheesh.

But, as you say, on the bright side, Supernatural! Yay!!!

Also, I'm mesmerized by your icon. I could lip read Dean saying AWESOME all night long. Deeeean!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 01:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Popslash is pretty special and my experiences there have been amazing, and I'm still not quite out of there. I did MTYG this year and I still love it all, but it's more of a fondness for an old friend than anything else right now.

Dean makes up for a lot, though, makes the loss less painful. As does Sammy.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-20 05:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
If I hadn't missed the deadline, I probably would have done MTYG again this year too. I thought about offering to pinch hit, but in the end I decided to take it as a sign and just let the fandom go. It made me cry, though, and Christmas didn't feel the same without the weeks of angstifying followed by the jubilation of hitting that "submit" button and the glee at receiving my very own SeSa story. Sigh.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-24 04:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I signed up for MTYG for pretty much that very reason. I wasn't sure I wanted to write for it, but it felt too weird and sad not to. I'm glad I did, and writing my story wasn't as forced as I was afraid it was going to be, but the old excitement wasn't quite there. It's hard, and sad, but I have really good memories and I'm mostly past the grieving stage now.

Did I mention how much Dean helps? :)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 07:26 am (UTC)
ext_1905: (SPN-Brother Hugs)
From: [identity profile]
To echo Donna, I was also delighted to see your name on the flist, and I also know exactly how you feel. Pop wasn't my first fandom, but it was the first fandom I was so deeply involved in and really made friends in and did crazy things in the name of.

Despite the deep sadness of finding my love lost, though, I still have great affection for it, and I like to think of popslash as my first great love, with whom I still have a very loving friendship. It warms my heart to see poppy things, despite the fact that my fandom passion is elsewhere.

And speaking of fandom passions being elsewhere, I got a HUGE grin on my face when I saw you put Supernatural at the top of your list. Welcome, and don't let the wanky reputation scare you. There is plenty of joy and squee and awesome fic to enjoy here. I look forward to seeing lots more of you!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 07:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hello! There was just something about pop, wasn't there? A kind of marvelous goofiness that was so infectious and so happy-making. I love how you describe your amicable break-up with pop, the "loving friendship" thing. That's a much less sad way to look at it.

I won't let the wankiness keep me away. There's wankery everywhere, you just have to be careful to avoid the puddles, right?

Oh, and look at your Sam and Dean huggy icon. So pretty!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 08:40 am (UTC)
copracat: Chris from N'Sync solo gig (chris dreams)
From: [personal profile] copracat
Hello. I would just like to take a moment to hold up a little lighter of remembrance with you while listening to the medley with Tim McGraw. (Not Gone. That would... No.)

Here, have a tissue. *hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 08:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
See? That right there? That's what I been needing all these months! Just a simple ceremony, nothing fancy, a solemn flick of the Bic, the shedding of a tear or twenty, possibly some farewell cake.

*blows heartily into tissue and sobs on your shoulder*

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 08:49 am (UTC)
ext_1650: (Frank/mikey1 ( crazybutsound))
From: [identity profile]
You described that so well.

I admitted lately that bandom is my first fandom now, I'm still writing for popslash, still reading and enjoying new canon, but bandom is where I am.

It is a hard thing, but sticking around when you don't want to would be harder, so I hope this post has helped you, and you have fun in your shiny new fandom. I watch SPN but I'm not in the fandom as such, but as long as you let me, I'll be sticking around, because I like people for themselves and not their fandoms.

If you do come back to LJ more and get sick of my posts about Mikeyway, defriend away. I'll understand :)

And after saying all that. It was great to see you post.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 09:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm not quite sure why I didn't fall head first into bandom, it seems like such a natural progression, really. Maybe it was just too much like rubbing salt in the wound or something, I don't know.

I'm ECSTATIC that you still want to stick around, and I'd never defriend you for squeeing about Mikeyway, or Gerard, or Bob, and I especially would never defriend you for Frank-squee, because OMG FRANK!!!! Um. Yes.

Like you, I like people for themselves and I love reading their giddiness over whatever fandom they happen to be in. Bring it on!

Happy sigh. It feels good to be back.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 11:10 am (UTC)
rikes: butterfly (Default)
From: [personal profile] rikes
Hi Sola, it's good to see you post, whatever the fandom situation is. :)

Also re defriending, the same goes for you of course. I'm still very much into pop, and will probably be for a while - I think that by now the FL has tried to introduce me to every single fandom out there, and if I were to be interested in one of them, I would probably have noticed that by now, you know? So. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 04:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hi! And thank you!

I won't be defriending you any time soon because you're pretty freaking awesome, and I promise not to try dragging you into any new fandoms. What's that line from the Bonnie Raitt song? "I can't make your heart do something it won't?" Who am I to try and interrupt someone else's love affair? I always enjoy reading your squee, even if I'm squeeing over something entirely different.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 12:43 pm (UTC)
northern: JC Chasez's hand with some drawn-in-Photoshop colorful fire beneath it. (Default)
From: [personal profile] northern
Welcome back! :)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 04:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you!!! It's good to be back.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 05:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*sniffs* That's really sad. Also, I know exactly what you mean. I'm sort of amazed at your ability to let go. I can't seem to do that... but popslash wasn't my first and I know it won't be my last, so at least I came to it with that knowledge. Why is it so sad? And hard? I don't know. There's something about this fandom that makes it hard to let go, when I had no issues with that in other fandoms.

(She says as she signs up for [ profile] spn_j2_bigbang.)

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-20 05:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It IS sad. I don't know why. I mean, there are so many sad things that happen in a life, you'd think moving away from a fandom would be a slam dunk emotionally, but instead it's like an extended grieving process. And it's TRAGICAL!!!

Popslash is such a warm and cuddly fandom. Saying goodbye is akin to tossing your battered old teddy into the back of the closet. Bye, Teddy. *sobs*

Ahahaha! Can't quite let the SPN go? And who can blame you?

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-20 05:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's not so much SPN I can't let go, as the fandom? And one particular story. I feel like if I write the perfect prequel, then I can put those characters away knowing that I wrote everything about them that I needed to.

I wish I could say the same for popslash, actually. I have too many ideas! And like you, it's hard to see people leaving, especially when they're going places I don't really want to follow.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-19 08:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I had to look twice when I saw your name! I recently had my own defriending day because of my MS so get how things change ya, whatever it is.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-20 05:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm so glad you've kept me on your list, because you're definitely staying on mine! In my drive-by catch up reading, I see that you've been dealing with a lot of challenges -- challenges that make saying goodbye to old fandoms suddenly seem not so difficult at all.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-01-20 12:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm hoping those issues are soon to be easier. I'm still me damn it! I think that has been the hardest thing for me to people understand.


Date: 2009-01-29 12:15 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I'm a lurker - a popslash reader - but not a member of the fandom as such - every now and then I go clicking around...
It is perfectly reasonable, understandable that you have grown away from your old friend - and I suppose it is healthy to do what you are doing, paying your respects and moving on.

I had to leave a comment because Consequences is one of my ALL TIME most beloved stories. Beloved. All time.
I mean, Bournemouth! (I went to school in Dorset) It was so funny and had such great rhythm that I really didn't see Chris coming at all - and it was/is so great and so funny every time.(I always hoped you would write more JuC)

So thank you.

And don't take them down before we can read them all again.:)

Re: lurker

Date: 2009-02-11 05:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Dude, I'm so sorry for ignoring you, which I totally didn't do deliberately. I seem not have received the notification about your comment, or you know, accidentally deleted it or something stupid like that.

Your kind words have made my day. I'm SO thrilled that you liked Consequences so much! I had so much fun writing it -- or at least certain parts of it -- and, you know? The line about Bournemouth was my favourite bit; it came into my head and was just so random that I plunked it in there and it made me giggle through every edit.

I wish I still felt the popslash love, because it's such a giddy and cozy fandom, but some things you just can't force, unfortunately.

Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I'll treasure your message.

(And no worries, I've no plans to take down any of the stories.)

Regarding One of Your Popslash Stories....

Date: 2009-11-19 10:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hi... I didn't know where to post this, exactly. Every other week I post a list of themed story recs in the [ profile] popsoundboard. Next Wednesday I plan to post a list of crossdressing stories, and I'd like to include your story "Under(his)pants." Since the Geocities cataclysm both your site and the "Boys In Their Dresses" site have disappeared. Is there a link to the story somewhere in your lj? Thanks.


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